Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
