imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
