Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
