I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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