You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
