Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
