yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
