dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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