I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.