we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
