I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
