Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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