so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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