if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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