Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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