i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
