she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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