Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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