I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
