We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
