I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
