it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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