: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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