Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This house was built for laser tag.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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