i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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