It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
