mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
