woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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