i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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