Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
