it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
