Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
