the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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