I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
