he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
