guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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