i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
