I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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