Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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