from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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