Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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