Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
