omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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