Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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