just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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