i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pants are for mortals
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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