Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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