Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
