On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
