weddingsv make me drug and hornr
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
