She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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