Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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