just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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