I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
