Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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