I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
