so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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