The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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