It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
