At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
