3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
