Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
