I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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