phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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