im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
