How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
