I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sarcasm needs its own font
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
