Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
