this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
