I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When are your genitals available?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
