Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
