So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
