do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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