btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
